I Carry Them With Me

[Written for the V Men project at www.vday.org]

I am fortunate to have grown up in a home where women are loved and respected, not just as equals, but as much more than that. My father still brings my mother flowers in the middle of the day, “just because”. He never fails to bring roses to my younger sister, though she is now married and has a child of her own. My parents still go on a date every Friday night and leave love notes in each other’s suit cases when one of them travels on their own. They exemplify a loving, respectful relationship between a man and a woman, and they’ve been doing it for over 40 years.

I grew up in Nashville, TN; always the “southern gentleman”. When in the presence of a woman, any woman, it is my nature to open the door for her, give her first priority in all matters, respect her in our communication and to protect her from perpetrators and pain. This is who I am. It comes from a very genuine belief that women are beings to be venerated. The heart and intuition of a woman is something I have always revered, largely due to the remarkable example of my mother. She has remained powerful and independent, yet intrinsically compassionate, loving, and nurturing. In the expression of Maya Angelou, she truly is a “phenomenal woman”.

For whatever reason, I’ve always had a fighting spirit in me. I am a protector at my core. Early on, I found myself looking for a fight, typically for the sake of a woman’s honor. I’ve now learned to channel that physical energy into more productive methods of standing against gender violence, which I believe to be the greatest of all injustices. It carries with it the power to destroy humanity on the deepest level.

I’ve spent the last 3 years living in Rwanda (Africa) working with women that have been tortured, raped and degraded to the point of selling their bodies on the street in order to merely survive. These 40 women and their children are just as much my family as my own mother and sister. I believe that with all my heart. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect them. I’ve looked into their eyes and heard them recount the horrific abuse that I could hardly comprehend. The thought of harm to my sisters fills my heart with a deep sorrow and pain. But that is the very pain that fuels my never ending drive to ensure a better way of life for African women.

Deborah was 3 years old when she first came into my life. I’ve witnessed her grow from a shy and tormented little girl into a thriving and happy 6 year old. She is innocence and beauty and she gives me hope for humanity. Deborah represents everything I’m fighting for. She is the heart line of the passion that drives me.

I witness the atrocities in the DRC and Rwanda every day. But I still dream of an Africa free from gender violence; free from oppression; where women are respected and revered. Many say this is unattainable and naïve, but I cannot imagine a battle more worthy of fighting. I cannot imagine a more worthy “cause”.

The women of Africa must be empowered to own businesses, to become politicians and consultants, and to take back the dignity they once had. They must be given a platform for their voices to be heard. When we open those doors, they will succeed, and they will lead Africa to peace and prosperity.

As we all know, men are the cause of gender violence. I believe that I, as a man, must strive to inspire other men to stop this violence. I believe men can be powerful without taking power from a woman. We must incite a movement and create new heroes for young men to follow. It is time to redefine “masculinity” in a way that serves both genders and creates harmony between us. In Africa, we call this “ubuntu”; the belief that we are all interconnected and reliant on each other.

As I wake each morning, I carry with me the lives of Deborah, my sister, my mother, the women of BURANGA, Ilea (my love), and the hundreds of images of battered African women I have witnessed. They are forever etched into my soul, and it is for them that I fight. This is the battle I choose every day. I thank God that I have been afforded the opportunity to live this life, and to serve those I carry with me.

My Religion Has Been Hijacked

Lately I’ve noticed my hesitancy to use certain terms or words to describe my faith. The words don’t mean the same thing anymore. Over the years they have either lost their meaning, or a formerly positive association has turned negative. I realize that what I’m about to say here is likely to be controversial, but that’s never stopped me before.

For much of my life I shied away from calling myself a Christian due to the implications of how I should live my life. During those times my hypocrisy was quite visible even to the unassuming eye. Eventually my faith strengthened and my life became a more accurate reflection of that faith. For the first time I was able to proudly proclaim my Christianity. However, as the years passed, things evolved, my faith and understanding grew deeper, and I’ve begun to realize the word “Christian” no longer has the same significance and meaning it once did.

Christianity, in its simplest form, is based on the life, teachings and example of Jesus Christ; and I want to put a particular emphasis on the word “example”. However, when someone tells me they are a “Christian”, I often get a sick feeling in my stomach. My mind starts to conjure up images of televangelists preying on the weak and the poor and greedy African pastors preaching the “Prosperity Gospel”, luring their victims in with the promise of riches in return for their soul. I picture the wealthy American church spending $55 Million on a new building equipped with a Starbucks and state of the art fitness center that turns a blind eye to the poverty stricken community just two blocks away. There are the “holier than thou” Christians that make you feel inferior for not going to their church or for doing anything contrary to their church doctrine. Then there is an interesting breed of seemingly masochistic Christians believing God put us here to suffer and live in shame. The list goes on and on, but none of these stereotypes are a reflection of Christianity.

“Christianity” should refer to a life dedicated to the principles and example of Jesus Christ, which is far from complicated. Whether or not you believe Jesus was the son of God, just another great profit, or a fairy tale, His principles make sense. He believed in love, serving others, equality, and justice. And he didn’t preach to anyone. He led by example. True leaders inspire a following, they don’t demand it. The Bible speaks of our responsibility to serve the poor, disadvantaged and oppressed over 2,000 times. Jesus himself addressed poverty more than 30 times just between the books of Matthew – Acts, and he didn’t say, “go and help those people”. He didn’t say much of anything at all. He lived with the poor, the leapers, and the prostitutes. He washed their feet. And he didn’t need a committee approval or a budget meeting to do it. He just loved and served, ultimately to the death.

The great Martin Luther King once said, “Justice at its best is love correcting all that stands against love”. Jesus did that. He used love to win the battle without a fight. That principle was paramount to the teachings of Sun Tsu’s “The Art of War”. Imagine a world where all of our so-called Christian pastors stepped down from their shiny pulpits and went out to serve the poor and oppressed. Imagine if they led by example and inspired congregations to follow that example. Imagine the word “church” referring to a body of people, and those people leaving their multi million dollar complexes and joining in community, despite their differences in race, creed and economic status. Imagine if the church wasn’t about a building at all, but embodied the example of Jesus, the original ubuntu revolutionary.

My Christianity has been hijacked. A group of people calling themselves Christians took it and turned it into a self serving “religion” designed to cater to their need for acceptance, and security, and self righteousness; their key to the pearly gates. Am I a Christian? Sure. But at this point, I’d prefer to be recognized as a follower of Christ.

I know many great pastors that are of this same school of thought, and they are living it, not just pointing a finger from the pulpit. I’m not bashing churches or pastors; I’m generalizing to make a point. And if you’re driven by love as the ultimate weapon against evil, tyranny, and inequality, I think you understand.

The Beauty of Suffering

I believe we all make choices every day about our commitment and dedication to relationships. And that goes for all relationships, whether they be romantic, family, or with friends. We can choose to have deep meaningful relationships, or more simple and less intimate ones. And the deeper our relationships go, the deeper our understanding of that person goes, and consequently we experience more harmony, satisfaction, love, and connection with that person. I believe God allows us to make this same decision about our relationship with Him. And I also believe the opposite is true. We can choose to have a simple and more surface relationship with God, or a deeper and more connected one. It’s part of our free will. It’s part of God’s experiment here on earth. It’s not about going to Heaven or Hell either. It’s about a deeper connection and understanding of our creator. Do we choose to really live, or do we choose to merely exist?

As I walk out the life of “7 Breaths”, I find myself creating sort of a “Tether System” with Him. The deeper my relationship with Him goes, the more I start to understand what this world is for, why we are here, and what the purpose of humanity truly is. I believe that much of our understanding of this world, and beyond, comes from our perspective. When we experience tragedy, we often get caught up in the details and we start to lose our perspective on life as a grand journey, and not just a moment in time. There are lessons in tragedy, and there is a beauty in suffering that we often fail to realize. Without suffering, we could not experience the full magnitude of joy. Often it is only through suffering that we become stronger and more connected. When I look back over my life I realize that the times I cherish most are generally the times when I was coming out of a tragedy or some sort of suffering.

In these moments of tragedy and desperation, it behooves us to take a step back and ask ourselves why this has happened. Maybe we will find an answer, and maybe not. There is also a beauty in realizing that we don’t have to know all of the answers, and to remember that God cares nothing of time, only of timing. Things happen for a reason, often beyond our realm of comprehension. And when we can find solace in the mysteries of life, and believe that there is purpose in everything, we may begin to glide. When our faith is what is should be, we can find peace in the unknown.

When I am in the midst of tragedy, or something I do not understand, no matter how trivial or how devastating, I stop myself and remember that this is only a moment in time, and there must be a purpose in it. What can I learn from this? Life is about a series of changing trajectories. We all have different experiences that change the trajectory of our lives, daily.

I have created sort of an imaginary “tether system” with God. Imagine there being a long elastic tether coming down from the Heavens, connected in some way to God, and all of His infinite wisdom and understanding. I imagine myself on such a tether, able to spring up above the earth for a new perspective at any moment it is needed. And as I experience tragedy, I am able to spring up on this tether, seek God’s council, and then channel whatever anger, frustration or fear I may be feeling into strategizing and gaining some sense of understanding and consequent plan of action. Then I come back down to earth and put it into action, and I try to do that within the span of “7 Breaths”.

This “Tether System” allows me to keep constantly connected to God, just as I have spoken of in “7 Breaths”. It allows me to keep a fresh perspective. I see each moment as a series of moments in the journey. Each moment of frustration, tragedy, loss, anger, bewilderment, and regret can be channeled into positive action as long as I am tethered to God constantly, in each moment. Nothing is chance. Things happen for a reason. God doesn’t create tragedy, but He often allows it to happen so he may bring us through it. That’s the beauty in suffering that I’m speaking of. It’s on the other side of suffering.

Using this “Tether System” is also a choice. It’s one I must be disciplined to make, in every moment, of every day, and I realize that at any moment, I could in fact lose my connection. So I am constantly putting forth an effort to keep it in tact. The tether is always there. I just have to choose to use it. And as I walk through this, it becomes easier and more natural. It becomes my first reaction, instead of only finding it in moments of desperation, long after the fact. This is the connection I am speaking of in “7 Breaths”.

7 Breaths

In the Hagakure (The Book of the Samurai), there is a virtue that states:

“In the words of the ancients, one should make his decisions within the space of seven breaths. Lord Takandobu said, “If discrimination is long, it will spoil.” Lord Naoshige said, “When matters are done leisurely, seven out of ten will turn out badly. A warrior is a person who does things quickly.

When your mind is going hither and thither, discrimination will never be brought to a conclusion. With an intense, fresh and undelaying spirit, one will make his judgments within the space of seven breaths. It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break right through to the other side.”

One might read this and believe it to be reckless or irresponsible and perhaps ruling out the importance of council and necessity of prayer. However, you must first understand the nature of the Hagakure and the Way of the Samurai. This virtue of “7 Breaths” implies much more than just making quick decisions. This is not a result of egotism or negligence. It is in fact quite the opposite.

The nature of the Samurai is to be in a state of constant awareness and connection to their master; in tune. Consequently, the Samurai, meaning “servant”, are able to serve and understand others in the way we were created to do. This is not only true of the Samurai, it is true of each for each of us.

So this is where I’m at. I’m not trying to tell anyone else how to live their life; just thinking out loud. Nothing I’m saying here is new or even profound. It’s just my thoughts and where I’m at. I’m just now understanding this stuff in my own life. If you want to really understand how this stuff works, read the books I’m always talking about. Those are the people that truly understand. Below is a list of the things that have brought me to the 7 Breaths theory. I am now in tune with:

God – In a way where I am in constant prayer. My life is a prayer at all times. I am in constant communication with God throughout my day, constantly receiving His divine council. I have real conversations with God, not just a one way relationship where I ask for help in a time of need. I in fact have a true “relationship” with God, just as we are called to do. God is not just a higher being up in the heavens. He is the center of my life. He is my center. My life, and consequently those around me have changed immensely due to this level of relationship, awareness, and understanding of God. I am completely centered around Christ and my relationship is no longer based on those desperate moments when I need His help. God is truly my friend, as He so desires to be. This has greatly affected my life and my ability to serve others and make quick and educated decisions, generally within the space of 7 Breaths.

People – In a way where I noticed the nuances about life in every circumstance, not just when I am deliberately paying attention or asked to do so. I notice when people change their hair, have a new shirt, or when something is out of the norm. I notice all the people around me when I walk into a restaurant or office. I notice babies, and any surrounding danger that might harm them. I notice an elderly person that might need assistance. I notice someone that is in pain and I engage them. I ask real questions. Being aware is only half of the process. Engaging with others is essential, and it takes time and commitment. When I leave a room, I can easily describe who was there, what they were wearing and what they may have been feeling. I remember the way they made me feel, and the way I likely made them feel. I am conscious of that. People notice that I care enough to be aware and in tune with them. My relationships have definitely strengthened.

Being constantly in tune with people, all people, allows me to begin to truly understand them. This allows me to be in true relationship with them, which allows me to be more connected and to understand. I cannot be truly connected to a thing until I understand it. I can not understand a thing until I take the time to truly listen. I must listen twice as much as we speak. The more I listen, the more I learn and the better I understand. The more I understand, the more I gain wisdom. The more wisdom I have, the better I am able to serve and understand others; the happier life becomes, for me, and for those that experience me. This has greatly affected my life and my ability to serve others and make quick and educated decisions, generally within the space of 7 Breaths.

My Surroundings – In a way where I notice each and every detail about where I am. I notice the table and chair arrangement. I notice the cup and saucer precariously placed on the edge of the table and I move it to a more appropriate position. I notice the exits in a room in which I am dining or sleeping. I am aware of the layout of a room when I enter it. And if i enter it at some other time, I notice the changes and I contemplate why they might have changed. I notice where people place their keys and other important items. I notice paintings on the wall, or a lack thereof. Noticing these nuances of life is what tells me something of the nature, character or concern of the people I am interacting with. My surroundings will tell me stories of those that dwell there. If I listen to my surroundings, I will learn more about its inhabitants. I will learn better how to dwell in that area. I will become a master of my surroundings.

God created us to be in tune with nature and with things we have created in nature around us. The more I listen, the more in sync my life becomes. The more in sync my life becomes, the better I am able to understand how the world works, and how it doesn’t. This has greatly affected my life and my ability to serve others and make quick and educated decisions, generally within the space of 7 Breaths.

The World – In a way that I am constantly educating myself on world issues and on how to be a better person. I take the time to educate myself about the things I care about. I take the time to educate myself on the things that my loved ones care about. This is very important and greatly enhances and strengthen my relationships. I take time to study people, places and things that I encounter daily, or wish to. Then when I am asked a question, or faced with a decision, I can answer from an educated standpoint. If I say I care about something, I am prepared to back it up with facts and well thought-out philosophies. Anything less than this is foolish. One should only speak with authority on issues one is educated in. If I am not educated on many issues, I will fail to have the right to speak with authority on many issues, or to understand the way the world around us operates.

I constantly strive to make myself a better person, never being content with my current level of knowledge. I set goals for myself and map out a plan to achieve them. I am able to engage in serious in depth conversations about politics, social affairs, faith and personal interests. I am educated not just on my home country or immediate surroundings, but on the world as a whole. I have a world view, not a myopic one. I study different races, religions and social economics. I embrace equality in all circumstances on all levels. I am constantly listening to the world around me and educating myself in an effort to be a better human being. I aspire to exemplify the philosophy of “ubuntu” and understand the importance of interconnectedness. This has greatly affected my life and my ability to serve others and make quick and educated decisions, generally within the space of 7 Breaths.

Myself – In a way where I know my optimal physical, mental and spiritual self and how to maintain it. I know the precise amount of sleep in order to operate optimally. I know how much physical activity my body can endure for what amount of time. I am constantly learning more about my body, and listening to its needs. I am not abusing my body in any way, with substances, or even over exertion. I take care of my body as if it were a gift from God, which it is. I use my body as a vessel to carry out my purpose in life.

I view my mind, body and soul as one connected being, constantly striving to keep it healthy and at optimal condition. i work out and keep physically fit so I may be able to handle the physical challenges of every day life, which differs for everyone. I constantly feed my mind with positive material that helps me grow into a better human being. I surround myself with others that challenge me and hold me accountable. I take the time and effort to foster and nurture my relationship with God, knowing that if my spirit is weak, my faith is weak. And if my faith is weak, I have nothing. Everything starts to crumble from there. I am in tune with my body and I understand how to take care of it and use it for its purpose. I am disciplined. I am driven. I am a machine.

I practice “life balance”. I know I have to take time to rest, and to reflect, and to learn. I do not get caught up in “everyday life” because I look at the world from a world view, not just a minute to minute circumstance. I am not controlled by my circumstances. I am in control. I see problems in life as an “opportunity for a solution” not a stumbling block. I seize each moment as if it were my last, and I am at peace with God, myself, and those around me. This has greatly affected my life and my ability to serve others and make quick and educated decisions, generally within the space of 7 Breaths.

My mind, body and soul are all equally a part of who I am. Each has to be taken care of. Each has to be studied so that I might know how to best take care of them. If I am doing all of this, and if I am in tune with God, people, my surroundings, myself and the ways of the world, there is little that can hold me back from being the person God created me to be. And we were ALL created for greatness. When I am in tune, I have the ability to serve more effectively. I have the ability and drive to be passionate, as well as compassionate. I am prepared. I am aware. And ultimately, when I need to make a decision, of any kind, I am better equipped to do so, within a space of 7 breaths. This, I believe, is how I was designed to truly live. And this is the philosophy of “7 Breaths”.

Serve with Excellence

I recently returned to the United States in order to raise support for KEZA . My first stop was in Amish country up in Ohio. I was there for my cousin Rhoda’s wedding and it was a spectacular event; so genuine and meaningful. I’m so grateful that I was able to attend. While I was there I stayed with my parents at a local hotel called the Carlisle Inn. The craftsmanship in the hotel was magnificent. There was lots of solid oak and a tremendous attention to detail. Nothing was done solely from a utilitarian standpoint; everything had such meaning and purpose. There were hundreds of rooms, each marked with a solid oak name plate with names like “Evening Mist”, “God’s Grace”, ‘Tranquility”, and “Day of Peace”. Everywhere I looked, I saw complete perfection and purpose.

I was in awe of the attention to detail, especially after having just stepped off the plane from Africa, where virtually everything is purely utilitarian (for good reasons). It is just an entirely different world, and one that I respect. I had been wondering to myself what it must have been like to create such a magnificent structure, with such meaning intertwined through it all. As I thought about this, I remembered the times when I saw Amish barn raisings as a child. The community and interdependence was something that really stuck with me. Witnessing this attention to detail and community dependence throughout my life has certainly made a tremendous impact on the way I live. I notice everything around me, and I am so grateful for it all. I certainly hear “he’s a perfectionist” or “he’s a bit Obsessive Compulsive”, often, but I’ve heard worse things said about me. Those I sort of appreciate.

When I was walking in the entrance to the hotel, I noticed a small plaque on the wall. Upon it was the great Harry S. Truman quote, “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit”. I’ve heard this time and time again, but this time it really hit me. It’s powerful. I was standing there in awe of how these regular small town people had created this amazing hotel with such intricate and breathtaking craftsmanship, wondering how they did it. And there was my answer. They did it together. And they did it with great care. They were not just trying to do the minimal amount of work in order to get a paycheck. The money was secondary. Doing their work with excellence was the top priority. They built that place as if God himself were going to be staying there for a night.

Imagine what this world would be like if everyone operated this way; if everyone cared so much about every detail, no matter who got the credit for it. Imagine the satisfaction of those that are creating, and that of the ones receiving the creation. Everyone wins. Everyone is happy and has a sense of fulfillment. I believe a person’s work is a reflection of who they are. How is your work representing who you are? Furthermore, for those of us that call ourselves Christians, we are called to an even higher level of responsibility to work with excellence. God calls us all to greatness. And if we have a “Christian business”, (advertised that way or not), we are representing the Kingdom of God. How is your quality of work representing the Kingdom? Think about it. That question is being asked of all of us, by everyone that experiences our “work”.

God calls us all to excellence, in all that we do. And we are all called to serve, just as Jesus did. So one would deduce that we are to serve with excellence, always. I dream of a world where everyone selflessly serves each other to the best of their abilities, never caring who gets the credit. Serving in community, relying on each other and God; united. Think of how pure and perfect that would be; such a beautiful exchange. This is ubuntu. It’s a choice we all make every day. Your choice, today.

Missions Work That Works

I have spoken a few times in the past year to churches and individuals that asked how they could give or serve more effectively, or how they could improve the effectiveness of their missions department. So I’ve created a document here that relays some of my thoughts and ideas about more effective missions work.

Introduction
So often I hear of churches sending groups of 5-15 missionaries to some foreign country for two weeks at a time and it makes me cringe. And on this end (in Rwanda) we often have people come here under the missionary umbrella and it ends up creating more trouble than good. And this is unfortunate because it puts us in an awkward situation. We know they are coming here to help, and their intensions are good, but if it’s not handled properly, missions work can often cause more problems than where there before they arrived. We are always grateful for people that want to serve. That’s not what this is about.

The issue is that missionaries often come here (or anywhere else you’d do missions work) for a brief time, they often have not done their homework ahead of time, they come here with their American ideals on how things should be done, the culture here gets trampled on, systems of dependency are created, the organization, orphanage or wherever they are visiting is depleted of copious amounts of time, money, and often some sanity, and then the missionaries go back home, show some slides, celebrate their “victory” by tallying up “souls saved” and three weeks later it’s all over…until next year’s mission trip.

Meanwhile, they just spent close to $30,000 on their trip and all we can think about is the tremendous amount of sustainable good we could have done with that amount of money and the long term effects it could have had. This is a generalization and I’m not in any way condemning missionaries. I’m merely making a point by using a broad generalization which is unfortunately quite common. So here are a few suggestions, though I am certainly no authority on the subject.

10 Steps to More Effective Missions Work
*The following applies to missionary groups, individuals, volunteers, church groups, etc.

1. Do Your Homework – Find a group of people somewhere on the planet, (could be anywhere), and fall in love with them. Invest your time in people, not a cause. Causes come and go, but the people will always be there. Once you’ve fallen in love with a group of people, you’ll know better what they need and how to serve them. In today’s modern world it is quite easy to contact someone via phone or email in the area that you want to serve. Do all the research you can to figure out what the people really need in this area. Learn about the politics and culture surround the people and the issues in which you intend to address. Until you’ve done your homework thoroughly, you do not have the right to say you are serving a cause, community, orphanage, individual, etc. Sometimes this process can take a year or more.

2. Pick a Few Scouts – Don’t send 15 people over on the first visit. That’s just irresponsible and frivolous. Send over maybe two scouts. These people should be the best equipped and experienced in your group. They should have experience in similar environments and they should be good problem solvers, planners and negotiators. They must be sensitive to the culture and make sure they incorporate cultural issues into your plan. Their purpose is to meet with the people you wish to serve, (or to scout them out), identify cultural issues that will need to be factored in, create a local team, and devise a plan with that local team. You should plan on having your scouts stay for at least 1-3 months to really get a handle on the situation on the ground.

3. Devise A Strategic Plan – Take that plan back home to your mission team. Then revise the plan and all of your ideals, put them together and come up with a solid plan in which you will execute with the whole missions team. Put together a solid plan for who’s going to go, for how long and when. Figure out your budget for the trip, making sure to have a buffer of funds. This is always needed when working abroad. Appoint team leaders and make sure everyone has a very specific purpose. No one should just be a “helper”. Everyone should have a specific purpose before they ever leave for the trip. PLAN this mission as if it were a military operation (even though it will inevitably evolve more than you could ever imagine once you hit foreign soil). Just be prepared. Have backup plans and be ready to change the methods in which you will reach your goal at any minute.

4. The Scout Mission – Your scouts should go over with the purpose of listening and learning, not serving. If you are committed to truly serving these people, you are going to have to be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Your scouts need to listen, listen, listen, and talk very little about their American ideals. Be prepared to throw out all of your previous plans for “serving”. Listen to the culture. Listen to the government (when applicable). And above all, listen to the people. Let them lead. You are there to be a catalyst, a facilitator and a resource, not a dictator. Your best bet is to find a little organization (something like Sisters of Rwanda) that has some expats working in it, but they are based in that country. Then do what you can to be a resource to them. They already know what they need. They just need the resources to make it happen. This is where you can form a very effective synergy that really serves the people in the area.
   

IMPORTANT NOTE: Do everything in your power to avoid reinventing the wheel. Work with local teams, work with existing NGOs (non-profits), form partnerships, facilitate projects that are already in place that need resources, etc. Don’t make this trip about you or your missions group. Your goal is not to come back with impressive numbers and accomplishments. Your goal is to serve, selflessly and diligently.

5. Listen and Learn – I have mentioned this a few times already, and I’ll continue to as it is of utmost importance. When you are a foreigner, especially and American, you will have the tendency to be impatient, to turn into a dictator (usually out of frustration) and to do your own thing. Don’t. Listen to the people and to their culture. If you don’t, you risk creating a bigger mess than what you started with. Listen to your local team and trust their knowledge of the culture, government and people. Lean people’s names and stories. Learn about their lives. Take pictures, (only when you’ve gotten permission, and it’s important to ask first). Take videos and get interviews. Be polite and always ask people before gathering this info if it is ok to do so. Don’t be pushy. Remember that a big part of your mission is to LISTEN AND LEARN.

6. Report Back to the Group – Go back to your church or group and report everything you saw with pictures, stories, video, songs, souvenirs, art, or anything else you want to relay the message. Get people excited about what you learned. Relay who the people are, not just what you did for them. Talk about individual people. Avoid using words like “they”, “them” and “those people” as much as possible. Use their names and stress that they are not just pictures and statistics. They are people, just like you and me. Their life and death matters just like ours. This leg of your mission is focused on relaying everything you took so much time to learn while you were away.

7. Preparing for the Group Mission – Now it’s time to put your real plan together. It’s time to talk to the other 12 people in your group about how you guys are going to go and serve. Be thorough. Your goal should be to set up sustainable systems for whatever you do. If you go to minister to others, go with the goal of putting together a team that will continue the ministry and counseling and support after you leave. If you go to build a well, make sure you appoint a committee that knows how to maintain the well and is responsible for its upkeep. And if you turn it into an income generation project, that’s even better. Go there to “train the trainers”. Spend at least a few weeks to a month. Make sure what you do is still going to be operating 10 years down the road. If it ends when you leave, you’ve served only yourself in that you got a cool vacation and some bragging rights. Sustainability is key. And I’d certainly suggest poverty reduction/income generation activities being a part of ANY missions trip. Don’t offer Jesus in exchange for rice. Teach them to grow rice, like Jesus would have done. Always remember that people need to eat and sustain themselves first. Put your plan together and get the team as culturally sensitized prior to departure as possible.

8. Saddle Up and Roll Out – Now you have a good plan and a good team. It’s time to go on your mission. Everything should be in order. Once you hit the ground, be ready to for anything. Be flexible. LISTEN. Remember you are there to serve, not just to carry out your well devised plan. So things may change. You have to be ok with that, especially if you are operating in a developing country (like Rwanda). Just be with the people you are serving. Know that you just being there with them means the world to them. Do not impose your American ideals on them. Couple those ideals with what they tell you they need and see if you can come up with a good plan. Then create an ongoing plan and make sure your appointed committee is ready to carry the torch once you leave. Set up a plan for how you and your team will communicate after you leave. When you leave, the program should not dissipate. Remember, sustainability, no matter what it is, is key.
   

IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure you’ve written OFFICIAL LETTERS OF DONATION for all the items you might be bringing into the country that are being donated. For instance, if you are bringing a box of bibles or a box of parts for a well, you will need to write a letter saying that “X Group” from “X Country” is donating said goods to “Y Group” in “Y Country” for the purpose of “Z”. Make sure you calculate and include the value of your goods. These letters should be cleared in customs BEFOR your group ever leaves their home country. Work with your local team on this. If you do this, you will have no problems (or very few) at customs getting your stuff into the country. If you do not, you will risk not getting your things by the time you have to return to your country. (We’ve had this happen, and heard of multiple instances of this.)

9. Keep Your Word – Now your whole team is back, having just had the experience of a lifetime. You’re all full of stories and everyone has a slide show or video they want to show. This is good. Refer back to Step #6. Now you’ve got to create a plan for keeping the lines of communication open with the community you just served. Make sure you’ve set up systems for how they are carrying out “the plan” you left them with. Keep them accountable. Encourage them to keep YOU accountable. Do whatever you have to do to keep this relationship going. Do not be one of those groups that go over, get their fill of humanitarian work or alleviate their guilt of selfish living and just moves on. Don’t be that group. That’s what gives missionaries a bad name, (or at least on of the many contributing factors). Make a plan for visiting annually (at least) and make sure activities are going on all year around. Set goals and do what it takes to achieve them. This section could go on and on. The point here is to make sure this isn’t a one time dip into another country and then you leave them hanging out to dry. Do what you said you’d do. I’d venture to say “hang them out to dry” isn’t on that list. Just be true to your word. Lead by example. Remember that you are not just representing your group, you are representing “missionaries” as a whole, (as well as your country and race).

10. Keep The Fire Alive – Being that I work for a small grassroots organization, I have a very first hand knowledge of the fact that most of our problems in developing countries could be solved with a huge bag of money. We have lots of great plans, but we need the money to carry it out. So become a resource. Get your group or church or whatever all fired up about supporting your community over there. And make sure the funds you are sending are being accounted for accurately and that they are going towards sustainable projects. You should set up a system of checks and balances. Don’t just leave things up in the air. Run it like a good business. That’s what will truly serve the people. 1 This should not be the end of your missions trip; it should represent the beginning of a long relationship between two communities. You’ve started a new family and you must maintain those relationships. True missions work is an ongoing. Don’t concern yourself with having a huge list of all the great missions destinations and projects you’ve done at the end of the year. Concern yourself with the relationship you’ve created with a deserving community that needs a helping hand. Be committed to them, just like you said you would.

1 You might want to start by encouraging your church to stop giving 10% (or less) of it’s income to missions work and 90% to new buildings and coffee shops. Try and get them to flip that scenario. That would be some real missions work if you can accomplish it. Some of the greatest missions work is done from your own church, office, or computer.

Cultural Etiquette
When you are in another country, especially Africa, please do not fuel the stereotypes of your race or country or origin. Don’t give $20 to the street kid. I guarantee it will cause more damage than good. That kid would then be in a position of being robbed, beaten, accused of theft, or worse. They could be using that money for things they shouldn’t. And most importantly, that type of behavior just fuels and perpetuates the idea that all white men, Americans, Europeans, etc, have endless amounts of money. So the next time someone like me (or thousands of others in Africa) that is just as poor as the locals walks down the street, I can’t blame that kid for thinking I’m rich; because you taught him that I am. If you want to serve that kid, take him to lunch. Learn his name. Give him an amount of money that is responsible and reasonable, (ask your local friends), or give him a new shirt or shoes. Giving $20 is not a sacrifice for you. If you truly want to serve this child, spend some time with him or her and let them know you truly care. I guarantee that will have a much more meaningful and lasting impact on them than your $20.

UNDER PROMISE AND OVER DELIVER
You can apply this lesson to all sorts of other situations. Listen to your local team. Don’t be careless with your time or money or commitments, always. The second you make a promise and don’t follow through, you will begin fueling stereotypes that missionaries come here and do more damage than good. You are better than that. Just be wise and calculated in all that you do and don’t make promises that you aren’t 100% sure you can keep. At Sisters of Rwanda, we may spend 6 months to a year putting a project together for the Sisters before we ever tell them about it. And we don’t announce it until it’s already happening. That way we rule out a lot of opportunities for disappointment and hurt. This takes discipline, but it’s imperative to the success of your mission, which is to serve.

In Closing
This is just my opinion based on my experiences. I’ve never done any traditional missions work or been on a missions trip. I came to Rwanda to set up sustainable businesses that would provide opportunities for the poor and to create products that will raise the image of the country. This is what I’ve seen work, first hand.

If you’re here to pick apart my philosophies and ideas and find holes in them, you’d better have some free time on your hands. If you are open to hearing some good ways to serve others and then apply those to what you are already doing, then you didn’t just waste your time. I hope this is helpful in some way. And if it serves just one person, it was worth the 20 minutes it took me to think about it and write it down.

*If by chance you have found this document to be helpful and accurate (at least on most counts), please feel free to pass it along. This wasn’t done for any official purpose; only in hopes of serving the missionary and humanitarian community.

If you'd like a PDF of this document, you can download it HERE.

So How Do I Serve?

*Make sure to notice the footnotes on this one.

The purpose of most of my writing is to hopefully incite a healthy perspective shift in those that have never known or have lost sight of our calling (all of us) to serve humanity. Americans largely live in an extremely uncultured bubble of comfortable, self indulgent mediocrity. I don’t say that to be judgmental or abrasive; only to illustrate a painful truth that is exemplified in most of American suburbia. People get so wrapped up in “stuff” and everyday petty drama that they forget there is a whole world of poverty stricken outcasts out there that need their help. And regardless of what religion you subscribe to, if you do in fact believe in a God, most every religion speaks of their God being with and favoring the poor, oppressed and abused. And as a Christian, I certainly know that’s where my God likes to spend His time (and probably His money too).

So let’s just assume that you’ve read some of my previous postings and maybe even a few great books like “Irresistible Revolution” and you now feel compelled to serve, but you have no idea how to do so effectively. Well you are certainly not alone. There are millions of people out there that feel convicted and consequently called to serve but they just feel trapped in their own lives. They think “I am just a house mom or dad, so how do I help some poor kid in Africa get out of a bad situation and into a new life? What does that even look like? How do I help with my limited finances?” And those are perfectly relevant questions.

I want to start this by reiterating the fact that some people are called to serve those in other countries, and some are called to be teachers, pastors, life coaches, mechanics, parents, presidents, architects, and policemen in their own country, community or household. I don’t ever want to imply that you have to serve in Africa just to live up to God’s standards of serving. We all have different gifts and callings and each is just as relevant and significant as another. Some people may be called to raise up a family of world changers. If that’s your calling, you have a big job cut out for you. You now have the duty of sensitizing your children and giving them perspective which means your knowledge of the world, of the poor, and of other world leaders must be extensive and comprehensive. You must take them to the pit of poverty and teach them how to overcome it. You must teach them to be teachers. Their heads need to be pumped full of the teachings of Gandhi, Bono, Jesus, Mandela, Muhammad Yunus, and many others. (I’d suggest the principles of Bushido as well.) This is a huge, and very honorable, commitment; one that will last your whole life (literally).

I’ve spent many years working on all different sides of humanitarianism and philanthropy, and I’d be lying if I told you that we really need anything more than a big bank account with unlimited funds. (footnote 1) Rather than try and generalize here, I’m just going to use our NGO as an example in order to illustrate what I’m trying to say. We’ve been here for two years, listening and learning. We know who we are serving and what they need because we’ve been here listening to them, not imposing our American ideals into their culture. We have a strategic plan and a great crew. We are ready to make it happen. But what is our biggest road block? Funding, or rather the lack thereof. But it’s difficult to get funding on the front end of a project like this. No one believes you can do it. And we have no real track record, yet. So there are three primary ways to go about this, 1) fund raising, 2) advocacy – meaning educating and sensitizing, 3) creating our own income generation projects that help fund the organization as well as provide income to the women we serve. (Number 3 is the primary focus at KEZA.) But you really only have the ability to help with two of those. So let’s break it down practically.

1) Fund Raising – This can be done many, many different ways. You can write a check out of your own pocket, you can encourage others to do the same, and you can help to create actual fund raising events where lots of people come together to give. However, we have found that the single most effective form of fund raising is the “home fundraiser”. This is where you do your homework about whatever group of people you’d like to serve, you put together a little event at your home, you invite 10-20 of your closest friends, you serve some coffee and deserts, you give a presentation, you have a discussion and you ask for funds. Then you create an ongoing community of supporters that gather once a month or so to learn about what is going on with their project and they give money to it, constantly keeping track of where the money is going. This process is extremely effective. Instead of giving $100, do a home fund raiser that costs you $100 to host, get 10 others to give $100, and turn your $100 into $1,000. And you also get to create a cool community for like minded friends. And there's ubuntu again...

2) Advocacy – Ok this one is just a trick. Any time an organization says they need advocacy, what they are really saying is that they need you to tell everyone about their organization so they will give money to it (or act in some way). What else do you really need advocacy for? We are not out to teach people about catastrophic events for our health, or theirs. It’s in hopes that they will do something to stop it from continuing, and as most of them are not going to actually fly across the world to stop it. It’s most likely that they will just write a check. So that’s really what advocacy is about, (outside of the need for lobbying, which is definitely a relevant and important task).

So if you are wondering how you can help to end extreme poverty, fight HIV/AIDS, get orphans into homes, provide schooling for poor kids, or whatever it is you feel called to do, there are some easy and practical ways to doing so. Just remember that if you do anything, let it be the start, not an ending. Don’t give once and mark it off your list. Give consistently. Take $100 and turn it into $1,000 for your favorite charity. Host “home fund raisers”. Don’t do it once. Do it 12 times a year if you can. Be consistent. Teach your children the importance of giving, serving the poor, and building community. Encourage your church to give more of its income to missions and less to building the new coffee shop in the lobby. (footnote 2) Give 10% (or more) of your income to the poor. Not your church, the poor. Get creative. Don’t let your 10% tithe to the church be a cop-out. If you feel compelled or called to give money to the church, do it, but I encourage you to take the time to see how you might invest in the poor with 10% (maybe in addition to your tithe) of your income. Tell everyone you know about the community you’ve adopted. Be their spokesperson. Plaster your house with materials about them so everyone knows what you are about. Don’t be a weekend warrior. In the spirit of the Quakers (known for their simplicity and excellent oatmeal), “let your life speak”.

There are tons of great things you can do. I can’t give you a master list. I’m not the guru on effective giving. However, I will tell you to get creative. Don’t make giving and serving something you do on Sundays or once a month with a check. Make it your focus. For those of you that ask yourself “What would Jesus do?”, rather ask yourself “what DID Jesus do?” He lived with the poor. He made it His life, to the death. That’s who He was, not what He did.

So who are you? What are you about? The single biggest thing you can do to serve the poor, anywhere in the world, is to first convince yourself that it shouldn’t just be an item on your To-Do List for the day; it should be your life, in all that you do. It should be who you are, not what you do. You shouldn’t have to explain it to your friends; your life should be speaking it for you. Once you commit yourself to a group of people you are going to serve, you’ll figure out how to do it. Just like when you really want that hazelnut latte from the coffee store that is WAY out of the way from where you are going today. I bet you’ll figure out how to make it work. We all do exactly what we want to do. So what’s on your list today?

1 I want to make sure I say this. I believe that ANY new organization doing humanitarian work needs to be just barely above the flat broke line for their first year or two. It makes you streamlined. It makes you strategic. It makes you calculated. It weeds out the ones in your organization that may be in it for the wrong reasons. It refines you. If you are just starting out and you get a million dollars to work with, invest $900,000 and use the remaining $100,000 to do your first year of work. Trust me on this. This will have a major effect on your level of effectiveness and the sustainability of your project. It’s important to be a little poor when you are helping the extremely poor. Do this for a year and you’ll agree with what I’m saying. (And yes, we stumbled upon this little factoid, it wasn’t something we set out to do.)

2 Yeah I know it attracts the kiddos, but let’s keep some perspective on what would really impact their lives and challenge them to be better servants. Instead use that coffee shop budget to do weekly trips to visit and serve the poor in your community. Kids dig that too. Or save up for a great missions trip. Create an income generating activity for the poor. Coffee shops are easy. Get creative.